If there’s one thing I’ve learned after years of parenting two autistic boys, it’s that routine is everything. And I don’t just mean helpful — I mean everything. Knowing what comes next in the day can be the difference between a calm morning and an absolute meltdown before 9am. Routine gives our kids safety, predictability, and comfort in a world that can feel pretty overwhelming at the best of times.
But here’s the thing — life doesn’t always stick to the plan, does it? And as much as I wish I could bubble-wrap my boys and protect them from every unexpected moment, I can’t. So over the years I’ve had to find ways to gently introduce new things without sending everyone into a spin. Including myself.
The good news? It doesn’t have to be as stressful as it sounds.
Start Small — And I Mean Really Small
I’m not talking about announcing a big day trip or signing them up for a new club. I’m talking tiny. A different snack. A new book at bedtime. A short activity slotted in before dinner. That’s it.
Small wins matter more than you think. When a child realises that something new didn’t actually destroy them, it plants a little seed of confidence. And that seed grows. Slowly, but it grows.
Talk About It Beforehand
Preparation is honestly your best friend here. Before anything new happens, I always try to give the boys a heads up. Clear, simple language — not vague promises like “we might do something fun later” (because trust me, that just creates anxiety). Something more like: “After dinner on Saturday, we’re going to try this.” Done.
Visual supports can be brilliant for this too — pictures, schedules, little countdowns. Anything that helps your child see what’s coming rather than just having to imagine it. When the unknown becomes known, it’s so much less scary.
Let Them Have Some Control
This one is huge. Whenever I can, I try to involve my boys in the decision. Not “we’re doing this new thing, end of” — but “which of these two would you prefer?” It doesn’t have to be a big choice. It just has to feel like theirs.
Because when kids feel like they have some say in what’s happening, they’re so much more likely to actually go along with it. Nobody likes feeling like things are just happening to them — and autistic children are no different.
Celebrate the Effort — Not Just the Outcome
This is something I feel really strongly about. Even if the new activity is a bit of a disaster — even if it lasts five minutes before someone’s in tears — the fact that they tried deserves recognition.
I always try to praise the bravery, not the result. “I’m so proud of you for giving that a go” means so much more than “well done for doing it perfectly.” Because honestly? Perfectly isn’t the goal. Trying is the goal.
And If It Goes Wrong — That’s Okay Too
Sometimes things just don’t work out. I’ve had plenty of those moments. You plan something, you prepare, you do everything right — and it still falls apart. And that’s fine. It really is.
It’s not a failure. It’s just information. Try again another day, adjust your approach, or park it entirely and come back to it later. There’s no rulebook that says it has to work first time.
Why This All Matters
Introducing new activities isn’t about pushing our kids out of their comfort zones for the sake of it. It’s about gently, carefully expanding those comfort zones — so that when life throws something unexpected at them (and it will), they’ve got a little more resilience to draw on.
The routines that keep them grounded don’t disappear. You’re just adding to them, slowly and safely, one small step at a time.
And with enough patience, preparation, and encouragement — new experiences stop being something to dread, and start being something they can actually handle.
That, for me, is worth every bit of the effort it takes to get there.
